i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
