just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
