There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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