Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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