do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
