so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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