nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
