so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
