whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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