dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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