A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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