promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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