I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
