Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
