Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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