I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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