he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
