we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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