This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize