wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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