soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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