He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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