glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
