I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
