If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Houston, we have a squirter
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
