Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize