dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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