i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize