If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
