I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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