I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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