So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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