ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
