he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
