They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you never un-have a 4some
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
