please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
