i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
