I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize