Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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