my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
