he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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