I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
