Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
