Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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