So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
