She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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