please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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