I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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