I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
