she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Bring me that man meat
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
