Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
