girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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