i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
