4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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