I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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