Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
