Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
