Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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