WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
