i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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