Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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