Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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