Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
