When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
