i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
