my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
