I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
