I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
