that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
