At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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