an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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