I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
