I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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