you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
