do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
