she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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