i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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