I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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