Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
