is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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