I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
