recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
