i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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