Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize