I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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