do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
