i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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