The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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