Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
