Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
