I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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