cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
