I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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